he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
