apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
