I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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