You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
