I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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