Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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