I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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