Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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