3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
