i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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