my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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