there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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