i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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