I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
