I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
