toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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