They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
