If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There's always time for handjobs
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
