i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
