Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
