A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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