So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
