she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
