He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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