ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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