all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
