I just threw up on my dentist
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
