so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just want nice things and good sex
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
