Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
