how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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