I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
