you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
