you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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