Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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