Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
