This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
