I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
