Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
