3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
