The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
