Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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