K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
