yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
