Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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