How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
