ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
