Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
