I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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