Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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