yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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